A White Christmas

Merry Christmas my fellow citizens of the Internet! I refuse to say "Happy Holidays," it offends me. I hope you all were able to enjoy your Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa and now face the grim prospect of returning to the mundane ritual that is life. I haven't had the "honor" of being scheduled to work at the store recently and I''m glad because we just got hit with a snowstorm, which as of 1511 on 12/26/12, has dropped at least 2 inches. I do not envy the other janitorial engineers having to mop-up all that melted water on the floor that the indifferent herd of cattle that are our customers track around. I'm also glad it's not me outside emptying the trashcans or shoveling the snow off the entrance floors. I get to stay nice and warm in my office where I work during the day...This Clark Kent said f**k metropolis and refused to change into Superman. It is currently 28 degrees outside, with the windchill bringing it down to 18 degrees. If you're anywhere but here, I hate you and if you're in Canada, Russia, Scandinavia, or any other place colder than here, I'm glad I'm not you.


Merry Christmas!!!
Happy Hanukkah!!!
Happy Kwanzaa!!!

Everything You Knew is Wrong...

This post's title is not just a hilariously catchy "Weird Al" Yankovic song, it also applies to what I've seen in the last week. I'm sorry for not posting as the following happened, I was busy between jobs and I don't own a computer at home. Last week, I was doing my normal routine of sweeping the floors and as I got to the bakery department, I saw an inattentive mother flirting with one of my co-workers and her daughter talking on a fake cell phone. The little girl couldn't have been more than 6 and she was talking about going out to the club and meeting strangers and then the conversation swerved left and then off the road. She was talking about how she wants to have a bunch of kids and live off the child support payments. That got me thinking, what the hell is wrong with the world today!? Kids today, at least here in Pennsylvania, are bombarded with images and video of people acting like shitbags and getting paid or becoming famous for it. What kind of example does that set for the future of our country? There was a picture on The Chive of some funny tweets and the one that instantly stuck to this situation was one about how it is hard to believe that in 15 years, Snooki is going to be a grandmother. For me, that is not hard to believe. Children are like Tivo in that they remember more than people give them credit for and those experiences will shape how they live the rest of their lives. That mother was pathetic, she should rise to the occasion and be a better parent. Enough of that rant, let's move on. Yesterday, I got to work my first full 8-hour shift in awhile. I clock in and no more than 5 minutes later, I get a page to come to the customer service desk. I'm told that I need to clean the women's restroom. I head to the back and grab my cleaning supplies and enter the restroom. I was not prepared for what went on in there. Apparently, a customer missed the porcelain throne and, well, it looked like blood splatter from a gunshot wound, but with poo. Throughout the day, I was getting asked questions by customers looking for items that if they had turned their neck to the side, they would have found the products they were looking for. During my shift, I was unable to take any of my two 15-minute breaks and had to wait 6.5 hours in before I said f**k it and took lunch. Every time I was about to take break, some customer would spill/break/drop/knock over something that would cause a mess that needed to be mopped up. I've worked there for four months and I cleaned more spills yesterday than I had in the 4 months prior. The store I work at has a policy that says after you clock out, you are not allowed to continue working. As I'm heading into the store to buy 9V batteries for my bass guitar, a woman with an unfriendly demeanor asks me where something called "dream whip" is. I had never heard of it and I told her so and she asked me to find somebody who would know. I informed her that I'm off the clock and she angrily said, "So! That means you can't help me!? You work here so you need to find me someone who knows where this is!" The only other person in range that I could see was a manager and though he was able to help her, he called me into the office and wrote me up for still working after I clocked out. This f**king b**ch just got me written up because she was such a lazy piece of s**t she couldn't walk down the aisle she was standing in front of to get the product she was screaming about.

Until next time...

Who is The Anonymous Janitor?

Greetings my fellow internet denizens! The Anonymous Janitor lives and works in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States and provides maintenance support and, of course, janitorial services to a supermarket chain. Born and raised in beautiful Southern California, under the smoggy skies of Los Angeles, The Anonymous Janitor joined the U.S. Army after graduating early from High School and served for three years as a PATRIOT missile battery early warning and command and control operator. In the first few weeks of basic training, he suffered a fractured hip during a training exercise. Because drill sergeants are trained to anticipate trainees faking injuries to get out of performing duty, he went three weeks without before being diagnosed with a fractured hip that, by that point, had already begun healing on its own. During the time between initial injury and diagnosis, he participated in every ruck march, physical training test, shooting range, and room clearing drills all with a broken hip. After completing basic training and graduating as distinguished honor graduate from job training, He served until the U.S. Army determined it was time to set him free by giving him a medical discharge. Upon returning to his native California, he dealt with two years of uncompensated unemployment, not even getting an interview due to the sheer number of applicants for the few open positions in his area. In April 2012, he took a leap of faith and moved 2,490 miles to Pennsylvania where he landed a job working as a telecommunications liaison between the Commonwealth employees and agencies and the telephone and data service carriers and as the janitor of a chain supermarket. This blog was created as a way to share my encounters with the eccentric and less-than-intelligent customers who come to shop at our store.